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Self Esteem | Tips and Tricks

Do you ever :

  • Feel guilty about taking time for yourself?

  • Neglect your needs or exceed your limits to take care of others?

  • Swallow your emotions so as not to displease?

  • Accept things that don't suit you so as not to disappoint?

  • Stop yourself from doing what you really want to do because you fear judgment?

  • Tell yourself that you are not doing enough? And continue to do so despite the signals your body is sending you?

  • Do you criticize yourself, devalue yourself, doubt yourself?

Admit it, it doesn't make life easy to think like that. Well, there is a solution to that and it is self-esteem. Of course, we often talk about it, but what is self-esteem really?


Self-esteem can't be worked on


First of all, self-esteem cannot be worked on. At least not directly. It's more of a result.


It's a bit like health. You can't say, "Today I'm going to work on my health." On the other hand, you can do physical activity, eat well, or drink lots of water. And if you do that a little bit every day, you will achieve a result: better health.


With self-esteem, it's a bit the same thing. By adopting healthy psychological habits, you will succeed in building your esteem. But what are these psychological habits to adopt?


Psychological habits

These habits are divided into 7 groups:


1. Treat you with kindness:

  • Learn to say no

  • Listen to your emotions

  • Accept that you are not perfect

  • Praising yourself (even for small accomplishments)

  • Showing compassion to yourself

2. Surround yourself with the right people for you: because the people we meet are a reflection of who we are.


3. Be true to your emotions

4. Be true to your needs

5. Be true to your limits

6. Be true to your values

7. Be true to your dreams and inspirations


The important thing is to respect yourself in all this.


Self-esteem has no age limit


Regardless of your age or background, you have the choice to build or rebuild your self-esteem at any time.


Do you think that your difficult past has killed your self-esteem and that you can't do anything about it now? That's not true. Everything is still possible.


Even if the environment in which you grew up did not teach you to develop your self-esteem. Even if, on the contrary, it taught you to neglect your needs and to swallow your emotions. You can't blame the past for something you can build in the present and in the future. It's our responsibility now! And we have the power. All the power.


And whether you're 20, 40, or 60, it is possible to develop good psychological habits. It's never too late. Never.


The vicious circle of false self-esteem


Unfortunately, there is one thing to be careful of and that is the vicious circle of false self-esteem!


False esteem #1: Being so generous as to forget oneself.


Self-esteem, the real one, is always based on the being, the person that you are inside. It is by respecting yourself that you build your esteem. If to feel valuable, you need to give, and it is never enough, then your self-esteem may be based on generosity. This is where there is a danger. Because if you regularly neglect your own needs and go beyond your limits to take care of others, it's probably a self-esteem problem.


This is not to say that generosity is not a good quality, on the contrary. But "too much" is the same as "not enough" and, in this case, if we are not generous for the right reasons, it is certain that we will not benefit.


False esteem #2: Always be the most successful person, but at what cost?


Again, self-esteem is based on respect for yourself, your emotions, values, needs, etc. If in order to feel worthwhile, you need to "do", to "succeed" and that is never enough, then your self-esteem may be based on performance. And that's another danger.


It's important to know how to stop when it's time and say to yourself: "It may not be perfect, but it's satisfying".


False esteem #3: Letting the judgment of others affect you and change you to better fit "society's standards".


Changing to be liked by everyone can be done in two ways.

  1. Have you heard of the expression "being beige"? Well, it means not necessarily expressing your true emotions, it means toning down your colors so as not to offend anyone. It's as if you just want to be the best you can be; without people loving you, without people hating you either.

  2. Another expression: "Turning into a chameleon". This expression means that when you find yourself with people, you embody a little bit their way of being, of acting, what they like... without leaving room for what you really like.

Unfortunately, these are two attitudes that will cause you to lose the esteem of the most important person in your life; yourself!


Every time you don't stay true to yourself in order to please others, you lose some of your self-esteem. While every time you respect yourself, you gain some.


Just don't start the vicious cycle of needing the approval of others to love yourself, because the more we need others, the less we will respect ourselves and the more we will need others to feel better.


False esteem #4: The obsession with appearance to feel good.


It's okay to want to look good, but it should never be a condition for looking good. There's nothing wrong with taking care of your body and health, caring about your appearance and loving to look your best. But if you find that your self-esteem depends on it, you may be caught in a vicious cycle of appearance.


Every time you talk down to yourself about your body, you lose esteem points. Every time you quibble about your diet or workouts, you lose esteem points. Every time you compare yourself to others, you lose esteem points.


But how do you break the chain?

  1. Stop feeling guilty for skipping a workout;

  2. Stop making derogatory comments about your appearance every time you look in the mirror;

  3. Stop comparing yourself to everyone else and finding the best in each other;

  4. Stop feeling bad about ordering food; etc.


Conclusion


In short, there are many false esteem, but remember that true esteem is the one that will make you happiest, the one that will make you respect and love yourself a little more. Self-esteem is built every day. It is a choice that we can make every morning. And it's the best gift you can give yourself.


We hope that you will all succeed in building or rebuilding your self-esteem.


For our part, we will continue to guide you as best we can to make your life as beautiful as possible in your eyes.

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