Do you ever feel inadequate, incompetent and not living up to your expectations? Do you tend to say this out loud to your life partner, your family, your friends?
If both answers are "yes", it may be because you are a hypo-narcissist.
What is hypo-narcissism?
Hypo-narcissism is a personality disorder characterized by a tendency to devalue oneself and to emphasize what is wrong with oneself when talking about oneself to others.
Hypo-narcissists never feel they are "good enough" and would rather put themselves down and be less than be nothing.
But why do hypo-narcissists always try to denigrate themselves?
These people are looking for reassurance. Self-deprecation is a request for reassurance. By pointing out our shortcomings, we expect the other to contradict us and make them disappear, but even when helped by the other, the relief is only temporary. The only person who can change this view of oneself is oneself.
These people like to be taken care of. This supposed helplessness is a good pretext to take away responsibility and avoid certain situations or tasks. It is as if they say to themselves, "Why do it when it will probably be done badly anyway? It is as if these people prefer to remain in a victim position, because it is the easiest and most comfortable position for them.
These people are trying hard to just exist. Claiming one's incapacity is also a way to prove that one exists. Moreover, by denigrating oneself, it is as if one were protecting oneself from the denigration of others.
How can I help myself to stop being hypo-narcissistic?
Stop comparing yourself. Even if the expression "When you compare yourself, you console yourself" does not seem to be harmful for your self-esteem, it is quite the opposite. The feeling of self-esteem in cases of comparison is always ephemeral and often false. The comparison feeds more the devaluation since we always estimate ourselves to our detriment, even without wanting it.
Reflect and question what is wrong. Instead of putting ourselves down as soon as we see a snag, we should question the nature of our negative thoughts. For example, ask yourself, "Why do you think you ruined a moment? When we unpack our emotions and ask ourselves why we don't feel good, we may not change our thinking, but we do change our thinking a little.
Consult a professional. Sometimes the pain is too great and the self-esteem is too low to be able to change one's behaviour on one's own. Don't forget that psychotherapy is always a valid solution to help you rebuild your self-esteem, without going overboard or underdoing it.
So what is healthy narcissism?
It is a narcissism that reflects a good relationship with oneself. It is the ability to love oneself serenely, without constantly looking at others and/or the past. It is working to be efficient and talking with friends for fun. Finally, it is to care as much for your soul as for your mind.
What about you, do you tend to put yourself down in front of others? Or are you more at peace with yourself?